Wednesday, February 27, 2008

waxing philosophical

At some point on these trips, I always arrive at a point of introspection. The beauty and humility I feel, the fortitude and dignity of people around me, the landscape, the injustice, the arrogance, the Wall, and the flowers that grow through it, the humor, the graves of my grandparents, great grandparents, great great and great x3 grandparents, the homes where they lived and died, the trees that feel more like breathing, knowing creatures...the elements of life here all inevitably merge for me into calm moments of clarity and purpose. Here I can see and shed all my small fears, the petty minds and habits that get under my skin, the unimportant things I sometimes mistake for value. What's left then are what count.

I spent the afternoon and evening with Esperansa (SP) today. We started out in a yoga class in Rammallah and went to dinner afterward. [not to worry, i got the PfP stuff done too. the interviews with interns and with the reporter]. A month ago, SP was in the US visiting her sisters in Boston and several of us girls who lived at dar el tifl got together for a reunion. Most of them I hadn't seen in over 25 years [by the way, my faithful commenter on this blog, Naife, is one of those girls...actually, i should say 'women']. Amazingly, that time span did not inject any bit of strangeness into our gathering. It was as if we simply picked up where we left off when i was 12 years old. The experience at that orphanage bound us all in a very special way and I left that weekend invigorated with sense of sisterhood and friendship. I felt that way again tonight and saw clearly how truly blessed I am. I have so much for which to be grateful. Natalie and I live in relative safety, prosperity and freedom. There are no helicopters raining death from our skies and no one deliberately cutting off our food and water supply. We're healthy, with access to education and healthcare. I am blessed with the love of friends and family. I continually get to meet and befriend interesting and exceptional individuals. I guess I'm just trying to say that for whatever reason, when I'm here, it's so much easier for me to see what a great life I really have.

I can't wait to hug Natalie in a few days...and that's the only reason I have to leave. Otherwise, I want to stay!

I should also add that I'm grateful for that scary experience at the Bethlehem hajiz. Like Tom Neu reminded me, 'what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.' I had been frightened in the extreme; but when I look back, it wasn't fear of being physically hurt. In the back of my mind, I knew that the US embassy knew where I was and that the IDF would have to think twice about hurting me, especially for taking pictures. I wasn't scared of rotting in the vault; I knew they'd have to let me out eventually. Although it felt like it, I knew I wasn't going to freeze to death. I had been frightened out of my mind because I had no idea what was going to be coming at me. Faced with the unknown, I irrationally invisioned the worst and unlikely. There's a lesson somewhere in there, I think.

1 comment:

nefa said...

suzi u are a wonderful woman who deserve the love and the respect from everybody. ur experience was amazing. im sure it make u stronger.i hope u will gather with ur daugher as soon as posible . i wish for u a safe and happy trip. and congradultion for ur work is done.